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Post by Game on Jul 13, 2010 22:53:44 GMT -5
Go Time!
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Post by Kral Majales on Jul 15, 2010 3:09:41 GMT -5
It's what I do.
The phoenix
I learnt that skyscrapers can scrape the ground too
I read all the papers, they remind me of you
Disposable like razors, watch, they go up in flames
I'll go up too, see, the embers are spelling my name
Smoking like a salmon, I'm crumbling to ashes
The world looks rosier behind metaphor tinted glasses
Don't matter if you spell 'I love you' in letters 20 miles wide
That shit will fuckin stun you when its washed away with high tide
-But capacity is irrelevant when all feeling's incapacitated
I don't desire flattery, in fact man, I just flatulated.(heh)
Now I must check, and I ain't spun yet, but still I'm in a whirl
But why do thesedays we spout cliche and write mixtapes for girls?
Girls that we barely know, we don't love em, we just liars
Beauties only skin deep, it crumbles away in the fire
But when I burn?-- I feel myself rising, I can melt fake personas
Prove to myself that Phoenix ain't just a place in Arizona
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Post by KRiSR on Jul 15, 2010 7:42:45 GMT -5
coupla stumbly lines but overall good verse i think...
"spout cliche and write mixtapes for girls" i like this one...
it is a little random though... i think u used too many metaphors in the beginning
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Post by Kral Majales on Jul 15, 2010 8:03:55 GMT -5
Cheers for votin man, it's actually about coming out of a relationship and staying strong, and realising it weren't as serious as you thought, but I'll take it all on board. Cheers.
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BuzzKill
Still Standin
Text Battle
2 - 2
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Posts: 346
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Post by BuzzKill on Jul 15, 2010 8:16:46 GMT -5
Very nice drop indeed but, yes, you over used a few metaphors here and there. Especially fire. I felt you used too many fire metaphors. Even though that was the direction you were going for there are other metas that pertain to relationships other then "old flames".
8/10.
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Post by Game on Jul 15, 2010 9:47:46 GMT -5
Nice verse,
It definitely got the point across.
I felt the emotion in it.
I dont understand what they're saying about the over-used metaphors.
I personally didn't see that part.
I did feel that the 'girlfriend' route was a lil played though.
I did like the whole 'Phoenix' concept though.
I've read it a couple of times and with the advantages vs the disadvantages 'I give this verse
a 7/10.
Good Job
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TURTLE
Still Standin
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Posts: 262
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Post by TURTLE on Jul 15, 2010 14:14:39 GMT -5
Ya Im not seeing what the others were talkin about. . I thought this was a pretty well rounded verse. I especially thought this bar was good and descriptive!!
\/ \/
"Girls that we barely know, we don't love em, we just liars
Beauties only skin deep, it crumbles away in the fire"
Good rhymes bruh!
8/10!
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Post by lyriscologist on Jul 15, 2010 23:17:17 GMT -5
concept was played, content was actually a lil boring to me.. metaphors were ok but its only so much fire references u can make before it becomes dull, u had a few dope lines but they were random, theyre was wun i liked in the beginnin, sumwhere in da middle, an the last bar was tight..
the whole phoenix aspect was a lil confusing at first because I was expecting to read something totally different than what the title leads me to perceive, and also with that kinda title i was expecting something that Was everlasting, something uplifting and magical.. rebirth and ressurection is also significant with the Phoenix, not just fire..
overall it wasnt bad though.. being a Hard critiquer I can only give you 5/10 though..
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Shadow
Still Standin
NHV Open Mic Champ
Peace Universal
Posts: 69
Text Record: 1-0
Mood: Creative
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Post by Shadow on Jul 19, 2010 0:50:07 GMT -5
I dunno crew,...
I'll have 2 disagree a little on the 'fire' issue.
I didn't think that the references were overdone.
It ain't like he used the word 'fire' everytime.
(unless I missed something, all I saw was 'flames', 'embers', 'ashes', 'burn',and 'melt')
which I thought was quite relevent 2 the whole Phoenix thing
Thats just 'my' opinion though.
Plus,
Dude kinda warned us on the metaphor thing anyway when said:
The world looks rosier behind metaphor tinted glasses
The other thing that I thought was clever was the line:
capacity is irrelevant when all feeling's incapacitated
I don't desire flattery, in fact man, I just flatulated
(I wouldn't do THAT shit around a flame though,...LOL)
Anyway, I enjoyed it.
8/10
Peace
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Post by Kral Majales on Jul 19, 2010 3:31:59 GMT -5
Thanks for the votes y'all, I'll be voting on yourss in the next few
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Post by Game on Jul 19, 2010 10:26:16 GMT -5
All votes are in for this verse
Total Score : 52
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