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Post by Game on Jul 13, 2010 22:46:15 GMT -5
Go Time!
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BuzzKill
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Post by BuzzKill on Jul 14, 2010 20:25:54 GMT -5
Let me tell y'all a little story..... Life & Death [/u][/center] Life's a canvas and we are the paint
Sometimes it's blood red from dealin with the hate
At top rates from people who love to discriminate
And make your soul deteriorate until it disintegrates
Like water does land over a long period of time
Then we become an island with no sign of shore line
It's crazy how a place kids go to daily
Seems to erupt into a prison and place of slavery
How the once higher powers have now become lazy
To the point where kids have to carry a gun for safety
Then we're all shocked when we tune into the news
To l.earn that the victim went and shot up his school
Cuz he got sick and tired of the school yard bullies
And dealin with the people who wouldn't listen fully
So he went and found his own personal problem solver
You could hear his pain as he loaded the revolver there's more to this but yeah..........have fun readin...........this is what life really is like........sick. |
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TURTLE
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Post by TURTLE on Jul 14, 2010 20:47:52 GMT -5
Man this was real coo. Its a typical topic but you played it off nicely. Had good description and imagery. The only thing that I felt you did was you tried to fit too many inner multis within your bars. I thought it was a very good verse, please dont take it the wrong way but thats what I felt while reading this. Nice drop man and I hope to see you go quite a few rounds in the text tourny!
Good job BUZZ!!
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BuzzKill
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Post by BuzzKill on Jul 14, 2010 21:28:37 GMT -5
Thanks for the feed and vote.
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Post by Kral Majales on Jul 15, 2010 3:51:19 GMT -5
I like the subtlety of this, like the closer ain't too explicit, but it's clear whats happening. I agree with what was said about inner multis, sometimes it detracted from the content but hey, that's your style I guess. I think you could've maybe given more space to the whole high school shooting concept, cos' you clearly got that but maybe didn't elaborate on it enough. Nonetheless, a good solid drop.
Propz.
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Post by KRiSR on Jul 15, 2010 6:50:58 GMT -5
8/10 good shit buzz i liked it very much... love the whole message your putting across...seems to flow well too
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BuzzKill
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Post by BuzzKill on Jul 15, 2010 7:24:39 GMT -5
8/10 good shit buzz i liked it very much... love the whole message your putting across...seems to flow well too Well that was my life from K-12th grade. |
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Post by Game on Jul 15, 2010 10:32:55 GMT -5
Good shit Buzz!
I liked it.
It had a good message and very nice rhyme scheme.
The only flaw that I can see is where ya used the same word twice in two consecutive lines,
It kinda made this bars a lil repiticious.
No biggie.
Overall I enjoyed this verse and think that it is layed out very well.
I give it an 8/10
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BuzzKill
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Post by BuzzKill on Jul 15, 2010 10:58:59 GMT -5
That's cool. Thanks man.
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Post by lyriscologist on Jul 15, 2010 23:23:08 GMT -5
the major downfall to it for me, was that it was incomplete... u even said there was more to it and I felt like it came to an inconclusive end as well.. the dope part about it is how u blended sooo many years of history and time into 16 short lines.. i really felt yer imagery when talking about 'back then' and the transition into the time of the present..in terms of vocab, multis, complexity, it was pretty basic.. would of liked to see a lil more consistentcy. overall a High 6/10
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BuzzKill
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Post by BuzzKill on Jul 15, 2010 23:27:19 GMT -5
Well I couldn't post the whole thing lol.
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Post by lyriscologist on Jul 15, 2010 23:32:43 GMT -5
thats the disadvantage of not creating something that could of been fully developed, and concluded in 16
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Shadow
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Post by Shadow on Jul 16, 2010 3:12:30 GMT -5
Yo' Buzz,
I'm totally feeling this my dude.
The opening is powerful, gripping, and makes U think.
At top rates from people who love to discriminate And make your soul deteriorate until it disintegrates
It has always been a goal of mine to relay a message that people can feel.
I think U have achieved that.
Nice drop fam.
Peace
[/center][/color] |
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BuzzKill
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Post by BuzzKill on Jul 17, 2010 23:53:48 GMT -5
Yo' Buzz,
I'm totally feeling this my dude.
The opening is powerful, gripping, and makes U think.
At top rates from people who love to discriminate And make your soul deteriorate until it disintegrates
It has always been a goal of mine to relay a message that people can feel.
I think U have achieved that.
Nice drop fam.
Peace
[/center][/color][/quote] See I feel me and you are on the same page here with messages in lyrics. |
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Post by Game on Jul 19, 2010 10:32:50 GMT -5
All votes are in for this verse
Total Score: 53
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