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J5
Jul 13, 2010 22:50:38 GMT -5
Post by Game on Jul 13, 2010 22:50:38 GMT -5
Go Time!
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J504
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J5
Jul 16, 2010 21:01:55 GMT -5
Post by J504 on Jul 16, 2010 21:01:55 GMT -5
I Smoke Up With Velicioraptors
Babies in nurseries basically incubated future slaves
incarcerated for the meantime cradled 'till the grave
You're tryin ta get yours, but I gotta get mine too
high-five with gloves on to avoid the swine-flu (cough)
A criminal mastermind committing no crime
leave ya speechless like a mime portrayin' a mime
I design my rhymes to soul-punch the lame
and leave them all forgotten like Corey Haim
I got it together my plan is to not have a plan
Clark Kent is Superman! Nigga, they can't be the same man!!!
Star Command, dark demands darker than Darkman's plan
the den I live in in more chameleon than Zartan's skin
I'm the juggernaut, bitch, I bust down ya walls
I'm dancing with P. Diddy screamin "I miss Biggie Smalls".
I play my Sega on a Sony Wega, brah
Yoda trained Luke on Dagabah
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TURTLE
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J5
Jul 17, 2010 0:36:42 GMT -5
Post by TURTLE on Jul 17, 2010 0:36:42 GMT -5
Well I couldent really catch what you were gettin at regarding the title of the piece. I thought you used a lot of the same words through out your piece also. Lastly the flow was hard to catch also. Im not sure if this was one of your best J5 but never the less I wish I had taken a lot more time on my drop as well.
Not bad but not good either this was to me, just ok. No hate man.
Im gonna give ya a 6/10
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J5
Jul 17, 2010 5:24:49 GMT -5
Post by KRiSR on Jul 17, 2010 5:24:49 GMT -5
yes the flow was off a little but I gave you a seven because some of the lines in there are way cool... the downfall is the last 3 lines.... the way zartans skin seems to flow doesnt match with bust down ya walls...... I dont know it just doesnt seem to work for me... Nice drop overall
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BuzzKill
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J5
Jul 17, 2010 6:34:11 GMT -5
Post by BuzzKill on Jul 17, 2010 6:34:11 GMT -5
I found the flow to be good but the name of this makes no sense to the subject matter. Then you have the subject matter which starts out good and then ends like you're just randomly throwing things together.
5/10
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J5
Jul 17, 2010 9:38:01 GMT -5
Post by Game on Jul 17, 2010 9:38:01 GMT -5
Yea, I don't really see the relation between the title and verse.
Maybe you should have left the title out.
The verse itself was slcik though.
I had to re-focus and read it from a different stand-point than
I Smoke Up With Velicioraptors.
There was actually some strong bars and multis in there.
It would have been better with a better title.
I give it a 7/10
Good Job
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J504
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J5
Jul 18, 2010 19:50:20 GMT -5
Post by J504 on Jul 18, 2010 19:50:20 GMT -5
You guys are all on target with your comments. Like I said in chat, I wasn't gonna go deep. Actually, after reading you guys verses and enjoying their deepness, I almost went deep with this one. The first 2 lines are REAL. I started deep and I stopped myself, trust, it coulda went real dark though,lol. I usually put this giant brick wall up in front of myself that stops me from going to the dark realms of my mind in Open Mics online.
The title is just me poking fun at myself.
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Shadow
Still Standin
NHV Open Mic Champ
Peace Universal
Posts: 69
Text Record: 1-0
Mood: Creative
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J5
Jul 18, 2010 23:46:51 GMT -5
Post by Shadow on Jul 18, 2010 23:46:51 GMT -5
Yo J5,
In all honesty,...
I haven't really peeped any of your other drops so I basically don't have anything to reference this drop to as far as skills go
However,...
I'm feeling about half the content but the other half doesn't quite' move me.
Notibly the mismatched title of course which goes without saying,
In the beginning, the first few line made me go, "Hmmm,,,interesting",
but then the last 7 lines kinda threw me. They seemed somewhat scattered in thought somehow.
Nevertheless,
I'm sure some of your other posts are killer though, but I had to give U
5/10 dude.
Peace
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J5
Jul 19, 2010 3:42:12 GMT -5
Post by Kral Majales on Jul 19, 2010 3:42:12 GMT -5
Yeah the title's mismatched but so what? I think that takes .... 1 point off the score. BUT the verse was dope, I get the idea of it, the second half when you're basically going 'IM FOOKEN DIFFERENT' worked for me majorly, as did the first half. So, bearing in mind we're detracting that one mark, it gets a solid 8 from me.
Peacee bro
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J5
Jul 19, 2010 10:15:38 GMT -5
Post by Game on Jul 19, 2010 10:15:38 GMT -5
Lyris is the only person left who needs to vote on this verse.
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J5
Jul 20, 2010 11:42:00 GMT -5
Post by Game on Jul 20, 2010 11:42:00 GMT -5
Even with a 10 this verse will not beat the top score of the tourney.
Top score is 66
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